Tuesday, June 30, 2015

A Change of Pace

A LOT has changed since last summer. As it turns out, I signed up to do way too much. I taught two different classes each week, led chapel every week and wrote the curriculum for the whole year, subbed for our music teacher and took over her after school class in March, led small group each week with Hubs, and worked on my CDA courses. During all of that madness, eating well and taking care of myself completely fell by the wayside. Come April, I found myself the heaviest I've ever been.

Come April, I also found myself pregnant and due around Dec 15, 2015! I started to take better care of myself and tried to keep my weight down as much as possible. Unfortunately, we went in for our 12 week ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. Our sweet one had stopped growing at 5 1/2 weeks and my body had no clue. It never did catch up and I had a D&C on June 8, 2015. It's been a rough road from there, but Hubs and I are learning that we have company in this and lots of support and love. It has helped us a great deal. 

Since finding out we were pregnant, and then finding out we were not, our lives have been flipped upside down more than once. Working so far from home and spending two hours in the car everyday has also taken it's toll. I've decided to not return to my current job and will instead be working one day a week for the family I used to nanny for. It's still a bit of a drive, but only once a week (possibly twice) and I'll still be making a bit of money after taxes and gas. This will all give me time to start actually working on myself and getting healthier: emotionally, physically, and mentally. 

I've been so focused on everyone else for so long, that I've let myself go in a lot of ways. It's time to start loving this body again. Sure, I'm not the 18 year old dancer anymore, and I'll probably never have that body again, but I'd like to learn to love the one I have. Part of that self love is taking time to work out (even though I hate it) and eating right (even though I could easily eat waffle fries every day). It's a sacrifice but that's what true love is: sacrificial.

I'm hoping to blog through all of this on a more regular basis, but we'll see how it goes. Who knows? I might actually have time now :).

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