I don't even know how I feel about yesterday. After having what I'm pretty sure was small scale panic attack last night, I don't even know what to think.
I don't like that I responded that way but I suddenly felt very overwhelmed. I don't think I have ever been that angry, upset, frustrated, furious or violent in my life. Fight or flight seriously kicked in and I flew. I'm glad I got out of there. Even thinking about going back makes me jittery and my heart rate starts to speed up again. I don't know why I was freaking out like that. May be it was so out of the blue and I just didn't see it coming.
I've been nothing but accommodating and for them to accuse me of not leaving them enough space in the common areas is unthinkable! They act like they're the innocent victims when they haven't said a word about how they've been feeling. I will freely admit that I refer to the kitchen and living room as mine. But when 95% of the stuff in it is your's and you're the only one who bothers to clean it and take care of it, calling it "your's" makes sense. If I had given them dirty looks and left nasty notes about cleaning up after themselves then they would have every right to be upset. I hardly even see them! We're on completely different schedules and I'm normally asleep or at least getting ready for bed when they come in. And the times I have wanted to talk to them, either they're both not there, or one is asleep or one of the boyfriends is over. The one thing that boggles my mind, I've talked to Katie a ton of times throughout the semester and she never once hinted about any of this. I think that shock of it all combined with the amount of stress I'm under freaked me out and my body didn't know how to handle it.
I'm glad I came up to Kennesaw though. Brett has been wonderful and I'm so glad he's been here for me :). God and I had a good talk about stuff that I've been dealing with too and I learned a lot and I'm learning to trust him more which scares the crap out of me. But that's another blog altogether...
Thanks to all those who have been praying and sending good thoughts...keep 'em coming!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
a drama-free life: too much to ask?
I wish I had moved out.
found my own space.
lived alone.
or least lived with people who respect me.
My roommates and I have been battling over the thermostat in our apt. for weeks now and the sh*t has hit the fan. They want it at 75, I want it at 69 (or at the most, 70). I've been leaving notes on the thermostat for a few days, letting them know that they higher we move it, the more it costs. But everyday, I wake up sweating or can't sleep because one of them changed it to 75 again. Brett and I also discovered that my room is underneath the dryer vents for my apt and the one above me, so I get hot air pumped into my room whenever someone does laundry.
Instead of talking to my face about it, they write me this long note about how they have been compromising this whole time about it, but can't, as dancers afford to wake up cold in the mornings with stiff joints. I get that, makes perfect sense to me. What I don't get is their inability to come and knock on my door themselves.
They also spoke about having to buy mini-fridges, extra shelving, dish washing liquid and the like because they feel "sufficient space isn't left for them in the common areas." I never asked them to buy that stuff, nor have I refused access to the fridge or anything else in the apt. The only things I have asked is that if you use someone else's pot, wash it. If you make a mess in the kitchen, clean it up.
I have one shelf and one drawer in the fridge and 3 things on the bottom shelf. All of the cabinents are divied up into their respective categories: we each have a personal one, one for cups, one for plates/bowls, two for pots and pans, etc. The majority (95%) of the utensils, pots, pans, dishes, cups, etc. are mine. I've just asked for respect of my stuff, that's all. I also do 95% of the cleaning. I'm the one who wipes down the countertops, sweeps and mops the floors, vacuums, dusts, cleans the rugs, cleans out the fridge and takes out the recycling. They take out the trash...that's it.
The fact that they even insinuate that I haven't let them enough space, infuriates me. I've held my tongue about a lot of crap I've been feeling for 3 years. I have felt severely taken advantage of over the years and this is the first year they have actually started to clean up after themselves. I have been more then reasonable, but I'm about fed up with their attitudes, like I did something wrong to begin with.
I want to move home after this semester and commute. I sick of this sh*t and want my mommy :(.
found my own space.
lived alone.
or least lived with people who respect me.
My roommates and I have been battling over the thermostat in our apt. for weeks now and the sh*t has hit the fan. They want it at 75, I want it at 69 (or at the most, 70). I've been leaving notes on the thermostat for a few days, letting them know that they higher we move it, the more it costs. But everyday, I wake up sweating or can't sleep because one of them changed it to 75 again. Brett and I also discovered that my room is underneath the dryer vents for my apt and the one above me, so I get hot air pumped into my room whenever someone does laundry.
Instead of talking to my face about it, they write me this long note about how they have been compromising this whole time about it, but can't, as dancers afford to wake up cold in the mornings with stiff joints. I get that, makes perfect sense to me. What I don't get is their inability to come and knock on my door themselves.
They also spoke about having to buy mini-fridges, extra shelving, dish washing liquid and the like because they feel "sufficient space isn't left for them in the common areas." I never asked them to buy that stuff, nor have I refused access to the fridge or anything else in the apt. The only things I have asked is that if you use someone else's pot, wash it. If you make a mess in the kitchen, clean it up.
I have one shelf and one drawer in the fridge and 3 things on the bottom shelf. All of the cabinents are divied up into their respective categories: we each have a personal one, one for cups, one for plates/bowls, two for pots and pans, etc. The majority (95%) of the utensils, pots, pans, dishes, cups, etc. are mine. I've just asked for respect of my stuff, that's all. I also do 95% of the cleaning. I'm the one who wipes down the countertops, sweeps and mops the floors, vacuums, dusts, cleans the rugs, cleans out the fridge and takes out the recycling. They take out the trash...that's it.
The fact that they even insinuate that I haven't let them enough space, infuriates me. I've held my tongue about a lot of crap I've been feeling for 3 years. I have felt severely taken advantage of over the years and this is the first year they have actually started to clean up after themselves. I have been more then reasonable, but I'm about fed up with their attitudes, like I did something wrong to begin with.
I want to move home after this semester and commute. I sick of this sh*t and want my mommy :(.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
