I got nothing...

I don't even know how I feel about yesterday. After having what I'm pretty sure was small scale panic attack last night, I don't even know what to think.

I don't like that I responded that way but I suddenly felt very overwhelmed. I don't think I have ever been that angry, upset, frustrated, furious or violent in my life. Fight or flight seriously kicked in and I flew. I'm glad I got out of there. Even thinking about going back makes me jittery and my heart rate starts to speed up again. I don't know why I was freaking out like that. May be it was so out of the blue and I just didn't see it coming.

I've been nothing but accommodating and for them to accuse me of not leaving them enough space in the common areas is unthinkable! They act like they're the innocent victims when they haven't said a word about how they've been feeling. I will freely admit that I refer to the kitchen and living room as mine. But when 95% of the stuff in it is your's and you're the only one who bothers to clean it and take care of it, calling it "your's" makes sense. If I had given them dirty looks and left nasty notes about cleaning up after themselves then they would have every right to be upset. I hardly even see them! We're on completely different schedules and I'm normally asleep or at least getting ready for bed when they come in. And the times I have wanted to talk to them, either they're both not there, or one is asleep or one of the boyfriends is over. The one thing that boggles my mind, I've talked to Katie a ton of times throughout the semester and she never once hinted about any of this. I think that shock of it all combined with the amount of stress I'm under freaked me out and my body didn't know how to handle it.

I'm glad I came up to Kennesaw though. Brett has been wonderful and I'm so glad he's been here for me :). God and I had a good talk about stuff that I've been dealing with too and I learned a lot and I'm learning to trust him more which scares the crap out of me. But that's another blog altogether...

Thanks to all those who have been praying and sending good thoughts...keep 'em coming!